Yes, we are back FINALLY!
For those of you that don’t know-May was a very hard month for us. We had a few highs and a lot of lows.
This post wont have any crafts, decorating or thrifty ideas; instead it will be very personal and share the changes that are coming to the blog as our life changes (hopefully in a BIG way).
The good news is, I got to know our insurance company and their support team better than I ever wanted between the fire in March and the car accident at the end of May (don’t worry besides bruises and aches everyone is ok).
Both of these occurrences were actually blessings in disguise.
With the fire check we can tear down the rental property and walk away from the loan.
(I have been paying a little extra towards this loan every, single chance we had because we were upside down on the loan due to some early choices we made.)
No more dealing with renters or house payments!
If we add the check from totaling our car to the money we have already scrimped and saved we can buy a decent used vehicle for my husband to drive.
(We were thinking this would be another year or two off and I wasn’t looking forward to another car payment).
None of the above explains why I haven’t been posting and sharing new ideas and projects.
To put it simply
I had stopped doing them.
In December I had complications from taking the “shot” and chose to stop taking it for a few months.
I mean it should be safe, right?
It takes most women several months to a few years to get pregnant after being on the shot long term.
I somehow got pregnant (non-viable) while on the shot for two years.
That was our “complication”.
Of course, the shot made the entire pregnancy “non-viable” and while it was a struggle to deal with it I knew in my heart it wasn’t going to work.
That was back in January, we didn’t tell our kids, family or friends because we felt it would be easier not to after all the heartache we suffered losing Baby M. 2 1/2 years ago.
I have wanted to have a baby with my 2nd husband for years now but due to the fact our last pregnancy almost killed me, we chose to begin the shot instead.
After a lot of discussion my husband and I decided we would stay off the shot and I would have a more permanent surgery next January when my schedule allowed for me to be off my feet.
(With my syndrome even a minor surgery can have major complications, that is why my last doctor didn’t want to perform it.)
On Mother’s Day my gift was a pretty pink line!
We were SO excited but we didn’t tell anyone because five minutes after the test I began to have complications.
(I was terrified! I know everything you read tells you that it is normal but the same thing happened with Baby M. and I was afraid it was happening all over again.)
I stopped posting, crafting, lifting, major cleaning and tried to rest with my feet up as much as possible.
I gave up my soda, reduced my sweets and began taking those nasty pre-natal vitamins (iron and I do.not. agree).
I did everything I could to make sure this baby would be healthy-including not using the laptop. (GASP!)
I called a new OB (my last two quit or retired) at mid-week and set up an appointment for a sonogram for what was to be our 6 week and 5 day old baby.
By now, I was having all kinds of problem, all of which websites, baby books and doctors offices assured me was “normal”.
Those poor ultrasound technicians, I was sobbing before we even started because I knew something was wrong.
But the baby heartbeat was strong. Strong enough it impressed both technicians AND we could HEAR it. I was still reserved but I thought those technicians were going to do cartwheels.
The new doctor’s office I chose has the sonogram unit directly across from the dr.’s office so I got to meet the new doc immediately after hearing Baby A’s heartbeat.
He assured me the baby and I were perfect and that there was only 1% chance of the baby having Down’s or some other complication because I’m old (40).
He kept saying “I cant make any promises but the heartbeat is strong and I don’t see any reason for complications. Bleeding is normal and I believe everything will be okay.”
That night both our families were here for a concert and we shared the good news and sonogram with them and our children.
One of my daughters was so happy she cried, the others thought I had told her someone had died she was crying so hard.
We told them what the dr. said and that I was still worried but we didn’t want them to wonder or get upset when I didn’t participate in things.
Two days later we went to the ER due to severe problems and found that Baby A’s heart had stopped beating, the next day we lost him/her.
I swore the entire time I was struggling with all the complications, pain, and inability to do anything I would never try again The stress of worrying alone was enough to send me over the edge.
Losing Baby A was hard but I had a feeling from the beginning that something was desperately wrong and I believe that made it just a little easier to come to terms with after our loss.
I said I wasn’t going to put myself through the emotional trauma again but we have decided that YES WE ARE!
We don’t care if it’s a boy, girl or one of each. We don’t care how other family members (outside our home) feel about it. We are going to try this and with God’s blessing have a beautiful bouncy baby by this time next year.
I am going to continue to take those NASTY prenatal vitamins, cut out my soda, and purge, shine and decorate my house and life in preparation for a new little one and that is what our upcoming blogs will be about.
I will still offer decorating, money saving and crafting ideas once each week but I will also be posting daily during the week about my purging, shining and decorating projects (I hope to do the entire house before we conceive again.)
I hope to share my journey as I savor and enjoy the time with my teens over the summer and prepare our home for a little one that I am having faith will fill our home next year!
Some days it is hard to keep my head up as I look at the ladies and girls I know who are having babies around the time we would have or when I look at our now 2-year old niece and remember that our Baby M. would have been only a month older than her but then I play with her and hold her sweet five month old sister and know that trying again is so worth it.
So please forgive us as we refocus our journey and try to build our family.
Please feel free to comment or share this post with anyone you feel needs to hear the story or see the good that can come from bad situations.
I don’t know that anyone will read this but I feel better for just typing it up and putting the month of May into words.
Update: June 2016
We proceed to suffer 2 more miscarriages during this year above and will not be trying again. Between our increasing health complications and the stress we have made the choice to focus on the children we have.
Thank you for following our journey and your words of encouragement as we move forward.